Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Checking Mom's email

Every so often, we check Mom's email to make sure that she is behaving herself. Sometimes she get questionable content such as the one below. We have added our comments to this.

PET RULES (Yes we do rule - however we make rules for our humans to follow)

To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - snout height. (Yes, it makes it easier to shred)

Dear Dogs and Cats,
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. (Too bad for you, it's all our food!) Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest. (too bad!)

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. (It is too - just ask Max and Buddah) Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run. (exactly, then you can get us treats faster)

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. (two king size beds together would be perfect) I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. (but that is what we like best so you can hang off of the bed) I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm. (that's the best part)

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. (some have exit windows like the Meezers' bathroom) If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. (the rule is - no closed doors) I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not mandatory. (you must be supervised)

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough! (but we like to share)

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our
front door:

This next bit is a good part

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit &Like to Complain About Our Pets
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
(That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an a dopted son/daughter who
is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3 Are easier to train (that's because we train you)4. Usually come when called (yeah, whatever)
5. Never drive your car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends (two words: Catnip Anonymous)
7. Don't smoke or drink (we will take all the milk we can get)
8. Don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions (fur is always in fashion as long as it's on an animal)
9. Don't wear your clothes (humans wouldn't need clothes if they had fur like us)
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, (not for collge, but we do need it for nip and treats) and
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

We will be screening our Mom's emails a bit more carefully from now on. She doesn't need to get any more ideas.

~The Montsters

PS. We have updated our links - please let us know if you want to be added.


Blogger The Meezers said...

that was interesting. we askded mommy, and she saided that she would not impose those rules on us - but we finks she hadded her fingers crossed behind her back.

September 13, 2006 9:58 PM  
Blogger Max said...

Heh...we don't ask for money, but the People sure are funny about taking MINE!

September 13, 2006 11:56 PM  
Blogger one of us said...

Ahahahahahahaha....that was funny and that is why it is called "fur"niture and Mom says we are her kids too ~Merlin, Shadow, Ko Ko

September 14, 2006 8:50 PM  
Blogger Kimo & Sabi said...

What are rules? Maybe we're too young - today is our GOTCHA DAY 2nd anniversary!

September 15, 2006 12:17 AM  
Blogger Canberra BK said...

Hi Knightly, Lizzie & Firenze. I have added you to my linkies, maybe you could add me to yours? :)

September 16, 2006 12:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

We especially like the rules posted on the door part. Mom is considering printing them and posting them.

September 16, 2006 1:44 PM  
Blogger Kimo & Sabi said...

Forget the rules! Come visit us and enter our caption contest!

September 21, 2006 2:32 AM  
Blogger I Gatti Americani said...

Very funny! If you ask us, I don't think cats should have ANY rules!

We wanted to invite all of you to our birthday party tomorrow in Italy. Check out our blog for details!
Opus and Roscoe

September 21, 2006 6:20 AM  
Blogger Fat Eric said...

Heh heh. Poor deluded humans, they probably really think they are in charge of the house...

September 22, 2006 6:03 PM  
Blogger Valderbar said...

What an interesting email. I never saw anything like that in the human's I have as pets.

Would you want to add me to your blogroll too? I am trying to be a better blogger and visit more.

September 30, 2006 10:52 AM  
Anonymous Beau said...

very good comments to the stupid rules.

October 01, 2006 6:35 PM  
Blogger Petey said...

None of those rules for cats and dogs would ever be enforced in our house. We only have one rule in our house: PEACEFUL CO-EXISTANCE. When you have that; what more do you need?
You can add us to your links, Petronious the Arbiter

October 04, 2006 2:46 AM  
Blogger Kimo & Sabi said...

Today - October 15 - is ALL CATS DAY! Come by to celebrate!

October 15, 2006 3:20 PM  

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